I learned the word nonconformist in fourth grade and immediately announced that I would grow up to become one.” I grew up literally in the middle of a cornfield in the village of Minooka, Illinois, where I spent a lot of time learning to use intoxicants, chasing girls, and screwing around in the woods. I have also exhibited some tool skills and an inclination for eating delicious meatstuffs. I am your average meat, potatoes, and corn-fed human male, with a propensity for smart-assery, who has managed to make a rewarding vocation out of, essentially, making funny faces and falling down. “I am a jackass living in America and living surprisingly well.
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